TO: Friends and Members of the Atlantic Wreck Divers,
It you haven't herd already, one of our members, Cliff
Darby, was in a motorcycle accident last week, or so the story
was told to me.
However, investigators at the Tidewater Institute of Sea
Stories have discovered what really happened!
It appears that our buddy Clif was at his normal Wednesday night
martial arts program which he helps teach. Last Wednesday was
student evaluation night. This is when students spar with, and
are evaluated by a Master ( our buddy Clif ) to see if they have
progressed to the next belt level in their pursuit of the coveted
Black Belt. On this particular evening, Master Cliff was evaluating
Miss Kim Takenoshit. While kim at age 11, 4' 6" and 65 lbs.
may not have appeared formidable, Master Clif should never have
said,"Take your best shot dear". As Clif lay sprawled
on the matt from a single straight on kick, his collar bone broken
in three places, he was herd
to say in Joe Theisman ( Washington Redskin Quarterback who had
his leg broken in a football game ) fashion, " I'll be back!".
To which the young Miss Kim responded, " Yes, but not to
night Grasshopper!". At this point the facts get a little
sketchy, but it appears that Clif caused a 13 car accident on
the Washington Beltway during rush hour with his moped to mask
the cause of his injuries. Clif appears to be out of action till
1998. When asked, the new Black Belt, young Miss Kim expressed
regret and promised to show restraint in the future when sparring
with senior citizens.
I am sure we all wish Clif a speedy recovery, and hope he has
learned that it is pure folly to fool around with younger women!
I'm glad to see that Tidewater Institute of Sea Stories has uncovered
the truth behind what really happened in the Clif Darby incident
we are now all referring to as the "Takenoshit" Affair!!!
This reminds me of the time that Clif used that same infamous
line "Take your best shot, dear" on our own Ms. Penny
(yet another relatively small, normally mild mannered, but formidable
woman - like Ms.Kim)....
As I recall...it was one of those typical Buckley RV road
trips to Hatteras NC. All the usual characters were somehow crammed
into the RV together; Ms Penny and Doug (after all it's their
RV), Clif Darby (martial arts Master), Capt. Ron (Master boat
operator), Yoda Richardson (Master welder), and Matt Walters
(Master baiter). After a glorious weekend of diving on the E.
M. Clark, the intrepet crew had spend the four hours required
to load the horse trailer with all their "stuff", and
they had started up Hwy 12 towards civilization. Not far outside
of Frisco, NC (a "blistering" 10 miles up the road
from Hatteras), the RV suddenly came to a grinding halt for no
apparent reason. At this point the 3 engineers, 1 electronics
expert, 1 welder, and the hair dresser all tumbled out of the
RV in order to begin trouble shooting the problem.
Within a mere matter of several hours, and after several arguments
between ALL the "Pat Goss" wannabes, the problem was
finally isolated to the fuel pump. Amazingly, Doug Buckley appeared
from around the back corner of the RV with a spare fuel pump
and his famed 50 lb tool "box". The pump was replaced,
and the crew was back on the road. However they were much worse
for the wear. The hours of frantic work in the tropical Frisco,
NC heat had caused tempers to fray. Especially between Clif and
Ms. Penny. About 100 feet up the road from where they had first
broke down, an altercation between Clif and Penny broke out in
the kitchen of the RV. No one present that day clearly remembers
what caused the out burst between the two, but Clif was clearly
hear to utter the infamous phrase "Take your best shot,
Ms. Penny then reached deep within Clif's overnight bag and produced
his .44 Magnum. Ron, Yoda, and Matt all lunged towards Ms. Penny
in an attempt to subdue her. But as we all know, Ms. Penny has
been known to go from 0 to BITCH in 2.4 seconds. So clearly,
these old men never had a chance at stopping her!! She quickly
turned the gun on Clif and let go with a single shot. At just
this point, Doug rounded a bend too quickly and all the passengers
in the back were thrown off balance. The shot miraculously missed
Clif, but hit the refrigerator and ricocheted towards the front
of the RV. The shot zinged passed Doug's ear, through the firewall,
glanced off the block, and then took out the new fuel pump. The
RV again came to a slow halt.
This time, "trouble-shooting" was not a big problem.
However, all hope of ever reaching Washington DC was starting
to fade. Miraculously, Doug produced yet another fuel pump from
the RV's RAL's (Random Access Logistics) system. As the second
pump was being installed, a police officer pulled over to check
on the status of the unfortunate, broken down travelers. Clif,
the most clean cut one of the bunch, proceeded to tell the officer
that the fuel pump was "shot". The officer immediately
became concern about how a replacement would be found, and Clif
informed him that they had "back ups". The officer
looked at Clif in amazement, and Clif just said "Don't ask".
Installation of the second pump was completed, and the crew tumbled
back into the RV for the long ride home to Washington DC. The
final result of this entire incident is that Clif learned that
it is pure folly to mess with older women!
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